You could be standing in prayer and feel nothing. You might offer to help someone and feel only irritation and stress. At times, ‘being good’ just doesn’t feel good.
If Islam teaches that goodness is always rewarded with goodness, why does life sometimes feel heavy and hard. What happens when there’s no instant gratification or dopamine hit after doing the right thing?
There are many potential different answers to this, but a good place to start is at the beginning.
Action vs Intention
There’s a lot of neuroscience behind why ‘intention’ matters when it comes to living the life we desire.
Importantly, Islam teaches that our deeds are judged based on our intentions. It’s not about whether your tennis ball broke your neighbour’s window, it’s about whether you were aiming for it, and why you threw the ball in the first place.
Intentions are complicated
“Whether you speak secretly or openly—He surely knows best what is [hidden] in the heart.” – Qur’an 67:13
A good storyteller will tell you what the main characters did, but ultimately we want them to reveal why they did it. Without the ‘why’, would the story be worth our time at all?
The thing about the stories we consume, is that they give us the impression that good and bad deeds are obvious. But in real life, our intentions are rarely clear and straightforward, even if they appear so from the outside.
We hide so many things, even from ourselves.
It’s often easier to tell ourselves (and other people) the simplistic storybook version of why we do the things we do.
But underneath our ‘official’ story, there could be many conflicting, uncomfortable and intertwined motives driving forward just one action: instinct, survival, safety, pain, pleasure, material gain, love, hate, greed, pride, jealousy, revenge, kindness, rage, faith…
Heart vs Ego
“Know that the life of this world is but amusement and diversion and adornment and boasting to one another and competition in increase of wealth and children – like the example of a rain whose [resulting] plant growth pleases the tillers; then it dries and you see it turned yellow; then it becomes [scattered] debris. And in the Hereafter is severe punishment and forgiveness from Allah and approval. And what is the worldly life except the enjoyment of delusion?” – Qur’an 57:20
Here are three different examples for us to think about:
Person ‘A’ cares about an important political issue. They share a video on social media with the intention to make a positive difference. ‘A’ hopes this video will make them look wise, caring and deep. ‘A’ also secretly hoping that someone they find attractive will see the video and start a conversation with them as a result.
What does this ulterior motive do to the quality and nature of their original intention? In your opinion is their intention good, bad, or morally neutral?
Person ‘B‘ is depressed. They decide they want to grow spiritually closer to Allah, so they set some new goals. They do extra prayers, fasts and more dhikr. ‘B’ is desperate to get married, and they think this is the best way to get their prayers answered fast.
Is their true motive connection with Allah, or worldly gain? Or is it both?
Do they believe Allah is the one that will heal them, or their future spouse?
Do you think it matters?
Person ‘C‘ always helps the elderly lady next door with her shopping. They do this because they genuinely believe it is the right thing to do and want to please Allah with their good deeds. The elderly lady is not particularly nice. ‘C’ loves to tell their friends about all the weird things their neighbour does and have a good laugh about her. ‘C’ also complains about how inconvenient it is to always be doing someone else’s shopping. Whenever they complain their friends praise them for being such a kind neighbour and the praise makes them feel like a good person, so ‘C’ keeps complaining even though there isn’t really anything to complain about.
What do you think about person C?
Does person C have a right to feel good about their deeds?
How can we assess the quality of our intentions?
“Some others have confessed their wrongdoing: they have mixed goodness with evil. It is right to hope that Allah will turn to them in mercy. Surely Allah is All-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” – Qur’an 9:102
The truth is none of us are qualified to judge person A, B, or C.
To what extent they have mixed ‘evil’ in with the ‘good’ could depend on a multitude of things we do not know, and ultimately only Allah knows the level of their sincerity and the state of their heart.
The same goes for us.
Whether we’re doing well or not can sometimes feel complex and hard to grasp. Our perception might fluctuate with our hormones, sleep quality, or the number of burdens we carry.
If you’re doing/being ‘good’, but it doesn’t feel good, it doesn’t necessarily mean anything is wrong with your intention. But it could be a sign that you need a motivational refresh and reset.
It might be helpful to ask:
- Did I actually take the time to understand what my intention actually is?
- Am I being sincere? Do I actually want this (or do I just think I should)?
- What emotions are underpinning my intentions? (For example, fear, guilt, shame, desire…)
- Am I actually masking or hiding from my true thoughts and feelings?
- Am I being consistent – do my values and actions align fully here?
- Am I undermining my good intentions with bad actions?
The point is not to sit and judge yourself – that’s not actually your job.
Your goal here is simply to observe and recognise what feels heavy and what feels light.
To make it easier, it might be more helpful to think of it this way:
- Does this intention bring me peace?
- Does this intention make me uneasy?
- When my life comes to an end, will this weigh in my favour or against me? Or neither? (It’s ok not to know)
Only by first witnessing and admitting the competing claims over our hearts can we gently bringing the focus back to what feels clean and beautiful.
We confess our errors to Allah, in hope and trust that we will gain Allah’s forgiveness and guidance.
Finding clarity
“As for those who repent, believe, and do good, it is they who will be admitted into Paradise, never being denied any reward.” – Qur’an 19:60
Admitting mistakes, missteps and ego-centred desires is an essential part of seeking Allah. It’s a process of learning and growing, and discerning good from evil with increasing levels of nuance and subtlety.
Remember, it’s about progress, not perfection.
Each time we pray, we have an opportunity to refresh our intentions for the day. You’re like a ship with the wind and waves constantly pulling you off course. But over time you learn become a more skilled navigator.
The constant practice of shining a light on our innermost selves, conditions us towards inner peace. As we evolve, we must continually learn what feels good and learn how to hold on to it. Because where we find goodness, we find Allah. When we find Allah, we find peace.