Feeling Suicidal – getting through it

If you’re, feeling suicidal, depressed or unable to see a way out of your situation, you are not alone. You can get through this. No matter what you are going through, things can get better.  

If you have harmed yourself or feel your life is at immediate risk, please contact the emergency services immediately. 

If you’re in the UK or US and need to talk to someone right now, here are some places where you can get free 24/7 support by text or call: 

If you’re not in the UK or US you can search your location here or here

You can get through this 

If you’re in extreme emotional pain, or already feeling dead inside, things have probably been building up for a while. Trying to distract yourself and avoid feeling these difficult feelings, doesn’t make them go away. If you start having the thought, “I want to kill myself,” it’s important to reach out for help straight away

It might feel like there’s nowhere left to turn, and you’re all out of options, but I promise you, that’s not true. 

“Allah does not burden a soul with more than it can bear.” — Qur’an 2:286  

There is a way forward for you, and together, let’s figure out your next step towards feeling better.  

Remember, the darkest hour is always just before dawn   

“When you’re in that dark place you feel like you’ve fallen into a black hole. The biggest trick your mind plays on you is to tell you you’re on your own. You start to believe all the roads are closed. It feels easier to end it all. But you have to fight against that feeling. It’s a lie. Because the truth is, there is always someone who can help you. There is always a way forward. Even if you can’t see it, maybe someone else can.” 

Don’t suffer in silence

The first step to feeling better is to talk about it. 

Don’t let fear of judgement or shame stop you reaching out for the support you need. There is nothing embarrassing about you, or what you are going through. You’re not crazy. You are not weak. You are not overreacting. You’re not a bad person. You are having a normal, human reaction to the experiences you have gone through.     

Your feelings are valid

“I felt like no one would understand me, so there was no point trying to explain. But actually, when I told my friends, I was shocked some had gone through the same painful loneliness too. It was a relief, just hearing people say they weren’t coping. This guilt feeling went away, and it was like I had permission to not be ok. I needed that.” 

You’re not a burden

Remember, people who truly care about you want to know how you are actually feeling, so that they can be there for you. But people can’t support you if they don’t know you’re struggling. So give people a chance to be there for you – it could be the lifeline you need. 

“A colleague who I didn’t know that well asked me if I was ok. I never cry. But suddenly the tears just came. I was embarrassed, but they just listened and didn’t judge me. They told me to text them any time I felt like giving up. I think that conversation saved my life. They kept checking in on me after that, and I don’t know if they have any idea how much of a difference that made to my recovery.” 

Finally opening up and talking about what is really going on with you, (even if you’re unsure exactly why you feel this way), can be a huge relief. 

“My life looked so perfect on the outside, I felt so guilty for wanting to die. Talking about my feelings… it was like I was finally confessing the truth to myself. I realised I had avoided talking about it, because I was trying to avoid ever actually facing it. But when you face up to things, that’s when they lose their power over you.”

You are not alone

“I lived through things no one should ever have to live through. But I told myself it was ok because I was strong. Bullet-proof. Man of steel. Just keep going… But it gets to a point where you’re like, how much can one soul take? How broken can a human be? How am I still existing? When does it end? One day I said ENOUGH. I told people in my life what I was feeling, whether they wanted to hear it or not. I knew I couldn’t heal myself because, clearly, I didn’t know how. I needed to speak to people who had gone through what I’d gone through and come out the other side. I needed a friend. I needed someone to have my back. But I didn’t have that type of person in my life. So I picked up the phone and called a support line to help me find my next step. It wasn’t a one conversation miracle. But once you have that first conversation, believe me, you never look back. And it is worth coming out the other side.”    

Your best is good enough  

@realallydeen

If nonone will say it, I will. I am proud of you. Full video on mental health awareness dropping sooon. Ramadan Mubarak! proud mentalhealth mentalhealthawareness islam ramadan fyp

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Suicidal thoughts and feelings do not make you a bad Muslim, they make you a human being who needs a lot more love and support – and probably a lot less judgment from other people, and yourself. You are allowed to not be feeling ok. Your pain is real, and it matters.  

Let go of any guilt, because it’s heavy and it’s weighing you down. 

“It comforts me reading stories of the prophets and how they felt sadness, grief, worry, loneliness and everything else. If they suffered and at times their followers felt despair, even though they were the most grateful, faithful people ever, then what about me? I’m a regular human and I’m allowed not to feel ok. Allah didn’t make me an angel, but a human.”

“And when the messengers despaired and their people thought the messengers had been denied help, Our help came to them [at last].” — Qur’an 12:110

“I’m not supposed to always feel good. If someone hurts me, it’s my right to feel hurt. If someone dies, it’s my right to grieve. I’m ok with feeling grateful and sad. Or grateful and annoyed. Or grateful and disappointed. There’s positives and negatives everywhere. Life is complicated. To me, yes, prayer and gratitude are a part of the answer, but not the only answer I needed when I was ready to kill myself. And I want us to acknowledge that because that’s how we beat shame.”

“People always say – ‘just be grateful, just pray more’ – like it’s a magic solution. It stopped me speaking about my mental health. There’s so much going on in our lives and in our heads, but people want to fob you off with an easy answer, because maybe they don’t know how to help you on a deeper level. You need to find the people who do know how to help you on a deeper level.”

Help is near 

Suicidal thoughts can feel very logical and reasonable, but they are all based in the idea that things can’t change. 

Things can change. This situation is temporary. 

Let yourself believe the miracle you want is possible. You don’t have to worry about how it’s going to happen – none of us know what is going to happen tomorrow – so have to know that this part of your life, right here, is not where your story ends. It is one chapter, and the next one will be different. Because nothing stays the same forever.

Even if it feels like it will never come, help is on its way. The breakthrough you have been waiting for will happen, don’t give up hope. 

“Do you think you will be admitted into Paradise without being tested…? They were afflicted with suffering and hardship and were so shaken that [even] the Messenger and the believers with him cried out, “When will Allah’s help come?” Indeed, Allah’s help is [always] near.” – Qur’an 2:214    

You are trying your best, and that is good enough. 

The breakthrough you are waiting for may be closer than you think.

“I had depression but was ashamed to tell anyone. I beat myself up about feeling this way because I thought it meant I was a bad Muslim. I thought if I was good enough and grateful enough, I wouldn’t feel this way. I was trying so hard to be happy, but failing. One day, from literally nowhere, it hit me like lightning. I realised I was bullying myself. I was telling myself I wasn’t good enough over and over and over again – stuck in a cycle of punishing myself. But the mad thing is I didn’t even realise it. The pressure I put on myself to be perfectly ‘good’ was toxic. Everything changed for me when I started really working on self-love.”

Give yourself permission to take each day as it comes. Remember, you can’t force your way into better mental health. It’s normal to feel like you’re taking one step forward and then a few steps back, but don’t be discouraged. 

Give yourself time. 

If your life was a movie, this is the part where the audience is rooting for you, and exactly the right thing is right around the corner. Don’t worry about the destination. You’re on your way.

Just focus on your very next step. 

Try breaking down the problem you’re stuck with into smaller problems. Then list any tiny actions you can take that might help you solve, or feel mentally able to start solving that problem. Your feelings change as you work on reachable micro goals. Even if that’s daily praying, exercising and learning one new thing a day about a topic that will help your situation, like – money tips, or relationship tips etc.

“If you start thinking ‘the problem is me’ – that’s a lie. Stop that. It’s not you. There is no perfect reaction to the things you’re dealing with. It’s shaytan’s job to lie to you, but it’s your job not to listen. You can get through this, but trust me, it will be harder if you trash talk yourself.

Get support from your doctor 

If you’re feeling suicidal, don’t wait for these feelings to get worse. 

You could really benefit from professional support to help you through this. So make an appointment with your doctor/GP. They can tell you what mental health support services are available in your area. They might also give you a note for your school/work if you need to take an official ‘stress leave’ break to sort your head out. 

If you’re worried, think about taking a friend to the appointment with you for support, or writing some notes to hand to the doctor during your appointment. 

Remember, your doctor will have spoken to so many people about similar things, and there is nothing to be ashamed of. You deserve all the help and support you need. 

Therapy and professional mental health support

Whether you are referred by your doctor, or you’re considering finding mental health support by yourself, it’s normal to feel embarrassed, nervous or concerned about whether professional mental health support like therapy, counselling, (or any alternative therapies) will actually make a difference – and it’s ok if you’re unsure. We all feel this way when we try something new, but give yourself permission to try.

“I thought therapy would be a waste of time. Everything seemed pointless. I was resistant at first, and almost didn’t go back after the first couple of sessions. But oh my god I’m glad I did. It was completely and utterly life-changing and helped me to get out of a very dark hole. Alhamdulillah.” 

Read more about exploring therapy

Ask for support from school / college / university 

Your education provider may have student free online or face-to-face support services available to you. 

If you’re struggling to cope it’s ok to take a break from your studies – nothing is more precious than your mental health. 

Talk to someone from your school/college/uni who can help you understand your options better.   

“I felt like as a guy it was not ok to be emotional or get affected by things that have happened to me. But I needed help. I didn’t know where to start so I just started with my school counsellor and she helped me take it from there.”

You can be religious and struggle with your mental health

Get support from your employer 

It is worth checking to see if your employer can offer you access to any employee mental health schemes. These can sometimes be hidden away in staff policies. So do speak with HR to see what’s available or what else they can do to support you. But if nothing is available don’t lose hope. 

You might be worried that disclosing your mental health concerns might be held against you by your boss or employer. Often people can be a lot more empathetic than we might imagine. Talk through your concerns with people who you trust to explore your options and what feels safe and appropriate for your personal circumstances.

And remember no one has the right to discriminate against you unfairly for struggling with your mental health.    

Helpful mental health resources

Your next step doesn’t have to be big or complicated. You could text a friend and tell them you need to talk. If it feels easiest just keep browsing this site – it has been written with you in mind – to help you with your mental health. And there are some further links detailing how to access professional support below too.

May Allah send you the relief, comfort, support, love you need right now, and may He send you help from every direction. May Allah strengthen your heart and grant you the ability to see a way through, and remind you that no matter what – you are loved, you are good enough, and that you matter, ameen.

By the morning brightness and by the night when it is still,

“Your Lord has not abandoned you

Nor is He displeased with you

And surely what comes after is better for you than that which has gone before.

And soon will your Lord give you so that you shall be content.”

– Qur’an 93:1-5

Finding professional support:

Getting help in the UK:

Getting help in the US:

Find immediate mental health support services in your location:

Urgent help

If you’re in the UK or US and you need to talk to someone right now, here are some places where you can get free 24/7 support by text or call: 

If you’re not in the UK or US you can search your location here or here.

A powerful reminder that you can get through this

Please, don’t suffer in silence. Talk to someone you trust.