- Deciding it’s time to make a change
- Challenging your normal
- Self-help to find self-love
- Improve your self-care routine
- Give yourself a spiritual health check
- Start listening and learning from the experts
- Give yourself time and grace
- Let yourself live!
1. Deciding it’s time to make a change
“Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.” — Qur’an 13:11
If you’re suffering right now, this does not mean you’ve chosen to feel the way you’re feeling. You’re not responsible for everything that happens to you. You’re not a bad person. And importantly, your life doesn’t have to stay this way forever. While you can’t change all your circumstances, you can make powerful choices to support your healing, growth, self-esteem, fulfilment and happiness.
Self-help can feel scary and overwhelming, but it doesn’t need to. Finding ten minutes on your commute to listen to a podcast, or ten minutes before bed to read a book, is enough to keep you learning and progressing – self-help doesn’t need to feel like a full time job.
Set your intention
A good place to start is simply to think about how you’re feeling now, and how you would like to feel in the future. It is so important to let go of any feelings of guilt or self-punishment that might be tied to whatever you are feeling. Give yourself permission to believe things are going to get better. And remind yourself it’s ok to not know exactly what you’re doing.
Exercise: Intention setting
Take a moment to focus on your intention. You might want to grab a personal notebook if you have one to write it down. For example,
I set my intention to:
- make tangible changes to that will help my wellbeing
- be open-minded and leave my comfort zone
- be kind to myself and not judge myself harshly
- go at my own pace
- be sincere in my actions
- stay connected with Allah and seek Allah’s help and guidance
2. Challenging your ‘normal’
There’s a popular saying: The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Makes sense, right? If we keep on doing the same things, and thinking exactly the same things, we’re likely to continue feeling the exact same way.
Our beliefs and emotions influence our choices. And if we keep making the same choices, chances are we’ll keep heading further down the same path. So how do we change things?
Change doesn’t have to be big to make an impact. Start by noticing your habits and behaviours. Try to gently challenge negative thoughts and behaviours by imagining what the positive version of those thoughts/feelings/actions might look and feel like.
No no one needs to notice the changes you choose to make, except you. With each small change you make, you will start to notice differences in how you think, feel and act.
Journaling can be a helpful way to express yourself, process feelings and events. It can also help you to notice your habits, reactions, triggers, fixations, hopes and dreams, you might not have been aware of.
Keep a journal
Writing a daily journal can help you identify any patterns in your moods or triggers – things that help and things that make you feel worse – as well as being a good way to express any pent up emotions.
You don’t have to write a lot if you’re not feeling it. This is not for anyone else, just you – so don’t overthink it! Write whatever comes to mind.
Every few weeks you can look back over your notes to motivate yourself and reflect on your journey.
Things you could reflect on:
- How are you feeling today? Did you experience any other feelings?
- What were you doing when you started feeling those feelings?
- How does your body feel
- Are there any thoughts in your mind that feel significant?
- What did you enjoy about your day/feel grateful for?
- Note down any breakthroughs you’ve had
- Note down anything that has particularly inspired you
2. Self-help to find self-love
“Did he not find you an orphan and protect you?” – Qur’an 93:6
You’re not a problem that needs solving, you’re a person who is learning and growing.
Sometimes people approach self-help with the mindset that they need ‘fixing’. The truth is, no matter how you feel, you are not broken. You are a perfectly whole human being just the way you are. Read that again.
Self-love is key
Yes, self-help resources can give you a blueprint for action, but remember, love, success and happiness are natural by-products of being authentically you. When you believe you are good enough, and when you realise that you are already loved, and worthy of love, simply because you are who you are, life starts to get easier.
Progress can feel slow and difficult, especially if you’re trying to get out of a dark place. It can feel like you’re taking one step forward and two steps back. But that’s ok. Healing is not a straight line, it’s a journey with ups and downs.
3. Improve your self-care routine
“Indeed your own self has rights over you.” – Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)
Your self-help journey might introduce you to new ideas and concepts, encouraging you to make big life changes which can feel scary. Or you might start opening up old wounds and traumas which could get overwhelming at times. That’s why it’s important to make sure you create good self-care habits. This will make it easier to cope with big emotions and all the changes you are inviting into your life.
Make sure you’re looking after your body and not neglecting your basic needs.
Treat yourself how you would want to be treated. Be gentle with yourself. Be encouraging. Be patient and forgiving when you slip up.
Accept support from trusted sources
And remember, you don’t have to go through this journey alone. Self-help and accepting support go hand in hand. It’s always preferable to seek support from people you trust, rather than struggling in silence. But if that doesn’t feel possible for you right now, that’s ok. It doesn’t always feel safe to open up, and you don’t have to do anything you don’t feel ready to do.
- Read about preparing for a conversation about your mental health
- How to deal with cultural mental health stigma
4. Give yourself a spiritual health check
“He who knows himself best, knows his Lord best.” – Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)
There might be some really obvious changes you want to make in your life – like improving your confidence, earning more money, or finding/improving a relationship – but before you dive in, it can help to go right back to basics.
Take some time to check in with your values, beliefs and your individual passions and interests to help you focus your energies in a direction that feels aligned to who you are, and not what other people want or tell you to be.
Nurture your Divine connection
Seeking help and advice from others is brilliant, brave and important. It will change your life. Keep doing this. But remember, the people in our lives don’t necessarily have all the answers. And even if you are fortunate enough to have the best supporters in the world around us, the truth is, change comes from within.
A spiritual health check might help you hone in on which aspects of your spiritual health are most in need of your attention, in order for you to realise your dream of showing up each day as the best possible version of you – whatever that might look like.
5. Start listening and learning from the experts
“He found you lost and guided you.” – Qur’an 93:7
Make the most of the free resources available online. You can follow world-recognised specialists, life coaches, therapists etc who post regularly on social media and YouTube who can help you figure out how to improve the areas of your life and mental health you are concerned about.
You don’t need to believe everything you read. Give yourself time to explore different experts’ opinions to find what feels right for you.
Seek answers widely, and seek Allah’s guidance
Popular advice (whether from Muslims or non-Muslims) won’t always align with your faith and values, so it is up to you to be discerning and decide whether implementing the advice is going to bring you closer to Allah – and that isn’t always easy to recognise!
So keep your intentions clear, and hold on to the golden rule: ask Allah for help, clarity and guidance on all matters on your journey. You will always get a merciful answer, even if it isn’t delivered in the way you might expect – so pay attention.
If the experts you’re listening to are making you feel worse, or causing you worry or distress, reach out to someone you trust for support.
Before following any medical or dietary advice always consult your doctor first.
Applying what you’ve learnt
Remember, learning about a topic online is not necessarily the same as being able to apply what you are learning to yourself. When it comes to self-analysis, it’s often hard for us to recognise our own biases and blind spots. That’s why even chatting about concepts you’ve learnt with people who know you well can really help put things into perspective.
- Take a look at these Muslim-friendly mental health resources
- Read more about prayer and mental health
- Therapy for Muslims
7. Give yourself time and grace
“It is not permitted for the sun to overtake the moon, nor can the night outstrip the day: Each swims along in its own orbit.” — Qur’an 36:40
In a world where everything is instant, we can forget that some things take time. Have patience; don’t try to force things.
Your healing journey will have twists and turns. Some weeks might feel like you’re making so much progress, you’re flying! Other times it can feel like months are rolling by and you’re stuck in the same place. That’s totally normal. And if someone is trying to sell you an instant fix, be cautious – remember, we always have to go through autumn, winter and spring, before we make it so summer. Each fruit grows in its season, at the right time.
Slow progress is still progress
You need time and space to feel your emotions as you react to these new ways of seeing and being, especially when difficult emotions come up. By being intentional about your down time – building in regular breaks – you can take off any unnecessary pressure, so that you feel less overwhelmed or lose motivation.
8. Let yourself live
“Surely the ends you strive for are diverse.” – Qur’an 92:4
You can’t focus all your time and energy on changing your life, you have to spend your time living it!
Have things to look forward to
Say yes to the invitation, make plans, treat yourself, read a book, watch a movie – unwind and switch off. Giving yourself regular, planned breaks from consuming self-help materials and worrying about whether or not you’re ‘succeeding’ is so important.
You need time to process new ideas and concepts.
It’s ok to be a work in progress. You’re doing so well, be proud you’ve made it this far.
May Allah’s blessings and support down on you with every little effort you make towards healing realising your potential and finding peace in who you are and what you have been through, ameen.