If gratitude is the key to contentment, and contentment is the hallmark of the people of jannah – then why do grateful people still struggle so much with their mental health?
What’s the secret part of the equation where me + gratitude = inner-peace?
“And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, ‘If you are grateful, I will surely increase you…” — Qur’an 14:7
When Allah says: if you are grateful, I will give you more, when does more start being more, instead of just more of the same?
Is gratitude an emotion?
Imagine you can’t afford a car, but if you had one it would entirely change your life. As a surprise, your friend gives you a new car! You would probably be very grateful. Right?
But what happens when, on the day you most desperately need your car, your friend selfishly comes along and takes your car away. Are you still feeling grateful?
Don’t you have a right to be angry and frustrated?
When does your obligation to feel gratitude begin, and when does it end?
Attachment is in our nature
We are born in a state of total helplessness. As babies, our first lesson is that our needs can only be fulfilled by others. We need caregivers, otherwise we won’t survive.
Gratitude is our instinctive acknowledgement that whatever we have is not from us, but given to us.
We have no power to create what we need out of nothing. This is the domain of God – who provides.
Since our conception, we were designed to cling on to something for dear life – quite literally as an embryo clinging to the womb; or in spiritual terms as a soul clinging to our body and to manifestations of love.
Allah says:
“Read in the name of your Lord who created you. Created you from a clinging thing/clot.” — Qur’an 96:2”
This short video with Professor Omid Safi offers a fascinating interpretation of the famous clinging clot verse which sets the scene:
Identifying our idols
Emotions are truthful. They don’t measure gratitude or ingratitude, but they do reflect our perspective on the world back at us.
Think about what you most desperately desire, and what you’re most afraid of losing.
Are there things in your life which you deem responsible/necessary for your happiness?
When we make things, or people, or circumstances responsible for our happiness, whether we admit it or not, we are in a state of worship towards those things.
We inevitably start making decisions based on fear of losing. We may become cautious, controlling or manipulative. Or we might start to compromise our needs, ambitions and dignity, just to preserve the things we believe can’t cope without. Ironically, living this way ultimately chips away at happiness and leads to numbness, anxiety and depression…
Adjusting our perspective
Loving things is natural.
We already know that gratitude is owed to God, but it is inevitably tied to the things God gave us. You’re allowed to feel attached to what you love.
But it’s clear that when our happiness relies entirely on things, people or circumstances, our peace of mind will always be dictated by the ever-changing nature of those things. Happiness will come and go depending on the presence or absence of those things in our life.
“…And when He causes it to fall upon whom He wills of His servants, immediately they rejoice. Although they were, before it was sent down upon them – before that, in despair. […] And if We send a [bad] wind and they see [their crops turn] yellow, they would after that certainly continue to disbelieve.” — Qur’an 30:48-51
Allah reminds us about people who are in a state of despair. When they finally get what they want they rejoice. But when it’s all suddenly taken away, they fall back into despair. If we’re not careful, with one breath of wind, our peace can be destroyed.
But the answer can’t be “don’t get too attached”.
You’re allowed to love fully, and with all your heart.
Experiencing grief after loss is not a sin.
And suffering in silence, burying your pain, or pretending you don’t care is not a healthy answer either, but a recipe for mental health disaster.
Gratitude alleviates suffering
Our ability to feel gratitude defines how we love.
Say, for instance, you love someone. What if you’re not just grateful for that person, but for your ability to love them.
Let’s take it a step further…
What if you realise that your ability to love is meaningless, without the concept of ‘love’ existing in the first place.
So now you become grateful for love.
And when you are grateful for love, you are grateful for Allah – Al Wadud.
Suddenly, you are not just grateful to Allah, but you are grateful for Allah.
Being grateful to God for God, is how love completes itself.
When you are truly grateful to God, for God, the source of your love and the object of your love are one and the same. There is absolutely nothing that can short circuit the energy flow of love and connection between you and your heart’s desire, if your heart desires God.
You love the things that pass through your life because they flow from Allah and connect you back to Allah.
Yes, you will experience the pain of loss. But it will not crush you, and with hardship, you will find your share of ease.
Gratitude deepens love
Instead of becoming less attached, gratitude teaches us to love deeper.
Your many earthly loves can grow and change, or fade and die, or disappear, but when you are in a relationship of gratitude to Allah – the Creator of existence and the source of all goodness – you can love freely and fearlessly.
You shift from how do I hold on to this, to how do I show up authentically.
Through gratitude we realign with our original nature; how we began life, clinging to our instinct that everything we have is a gift we have no control over.
Flow and connection
“And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, ‘If you are grateful, I will surely increase you…” — Qur’an 14:7
Allah has given us a binding promise coded into the universe. You will get more.
But for me, practicing gratitude isn’t about “manifesting” physical things, like money, relationships, or luxury lifestyles.
It’s not about smiling through pain either.
It’s about gently letting go of the idea that clinging on to things will benefit us, until there is nothing left to cling to but Allah – the endless fountain of Love.
The purpose of gratitude
What if the purpose of gratitude in this life is to lead us to yet more gratitude? Imagine, gratitude on gratitude, in an infinite loop, mirrored by the eternity of jannah – the infinite garden of peace.
After all, didn’t Allah tell us – if you are grateful, I will give you more?