No one is born hating themselves, or the way they look. But so many of us grow up feeling imprisoned by our bodies. As someone who destroyed almost every photo myself from teenage years to my late 20s, take it from me, these feelings don’t have to last forever.
Here are 10 unusual things you can do to feel better about your appearance.
1. Set your intention
Bismillah.
If you want to start feeling better, set your intention.
Ideally, how do you want to feel about yourself?
Take a moment to imagine a world where you can feel confident and happy with who you are. Immerse yourself in that scenario.
Imagine the pain is gone and the weight is lifted. You don’t have any hang-ups. How is your life different? What are the changes to how your life is now?
Imagine looking in the mirror and thinking: “Mashallah, there I am! I love all the quirks and uniqueness that makes me ‘me’”.
2. Your mirror is a map
“And covet not that by which Allah has favoured some of you above others – unto men a share of what they have earned, and unto women a share of what they have earned – but ask God for his Bounty. Truly God is the Knower of all things.” – Qur’an 4:32
People don’t just experience you visually. You are a multi-sensory, emotional, intellectual experience.
Every interaction you have is chemistry in action.
When you look at your friend’s face, you don’t just see eyes, nose, mouth etc. You see what they represent to you, their vibe, how they make you feel, and your shared history. That’s why looking at a friend’s face has a different impact than looking at a stranger.
That’s how you see yourself too. Not as a body, but as a symbol of your entire life experience.
Your reflection in the mirror is like a map of everything you’ve been through – good and bad.
The thing you hate looking at isn’t a body part, or an aesthetic. It’s not ‘stubborn belly fat’, ‘a big nose’ or ‘weak chin’ that’s ruining your life and self-esteem.
Your mind has turned your insecurities into symbols that represents your worst fears and experiences: rejection, humiliation, isolation, feeling ‘not good enough’…
That’s why, if body dysmorphia is taking hold, you need an approach that supports mental, physical and spiritual health.
- Mind – mental healthcare and trauma healing
- Body – physical care, proper nourishment and healthy habits
- Soul – spiritual healthcare and healing
All three are interconnected but figuring out how isn’t always easy or obvious.
Take your time, go at your own pace, and use this site as your personal tool for making helpful connections and finding the resources that speak to you.
“Ask God for his Bounty, for truly He loves to be asked.” – Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)
3. Disrupt, disrupt, disrupt
Every time you think negatively about how you look, disrupt that thought:
- make a quick du’a
- think about something that makes you feel good
- say to yourself: “not every thought is true, goodbye”
- do a star jump
- click your fingers
- ping an elastic band
- say “astaghfirullah” three times
The point is to do something to interrupt the negativity, so it’s not allowed to take hold and cause you to spiral.
My personal favourite is to recite Surah al Fatiha, or Surah an Nas, and imagine the thoughts literally floating away.
4. Give things the attention they deserve
“And when they hear ill speech, they turn away from it and say, “For us are our deeds, and for you are your deeds. Peace will be upon you; we seek not the ignorant.” – Qur’an 28:55
Your insecurities can feel much bigger the longer you spend thinking about them.
- Stop accessing content that makes you feel bad about yourself. This could be social media, podcasts, TV, music that takes your mind to a painful place…
- Mute, block, unfollow any accounts that feed into your insecurities. Ideally, delete all social media for a few weeks if you can.
- Reduce or limit time with people who make you feel bad about yourself – even if they’re not doing it intentionally.
- Change the subject if a conversation if it’s making you feel uncomfortable.
Not everything is worth your time! Especially if it damages your confidence, or triggers feelings of low self-esteem.
5. Take accountability
“And whatever you spend in charity, He replaces it; and He is the best of providers.” – Qur’an 34:39
What if talking sh*t about yourself cost you money? Literally.
Give yourself a real-world consequence for negative-self talk, or for getting sucked into a negative spiral.
Every time you find yourself stressing about your appearance give a small amount of money in sadaqa/charity.
If you would hate for someone to say it, or think it, about someone you love, then you’re not allowed to say it or think it about yourself.
This is a way to hold yourself accountable to your intention.
“Charity does not decrease wealth, no one forgives another but that Allah increases his honour, and no one humbles himself for the sake of Allah but that Allah raises his status.” – Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)
Don’t worry, whatever you give will come back to you in one form or another, increased by Allah’s mercy.
6. Turn your insecurity into an idol
“Ibrahim said to them: “Do you worship what you yourselves have carved with your own hands?”” – Qur’an 37:95
It’s normal to worry what other people think about us, and to feel upset when we’re judged harshly. And it can be hard to put these feelings into perspective.
But remember, anything that takes your trust away from Allah, and consumes your thoughts and actions, could be considered an idol.
As a Muslim, the thought of actively engaging in idolatry and shirk, (associating partners with God), might send a cold shiver down your spine. So, you might find it shocking, but highly effective, to disrupt a negative self-image by labelling your insecurity as a ‘false idol’.
Do any of these types of thought patterns sound familiar:
- “How I look is holding me back in life”
- “My appearance is affecting my success”
- “How could anyone love someone who looks like me?”
- “If I was [taller/slimmer/had a better nose etc] then [xyz] I’d be happy”
- “Society rejects people like me”
- “My life would be totally different if I wasn’t ugly”
- “If I could change X, my life would change dramatically”
- “I’m ordinary and nothing special, so I will always be overlooked”
- “I need to know my place and lower my standards”
- “I am not attractive, so people I find attractive won’t like me back”
- “I’m unlovable. I will never be chosen by anyone”
- “If I looked better, people would treat me better”
- “I can’t compare to my friends, I’m so invisible”
- “I repel people”
- “People can’t see the real me underneath my appearance”
These types of thoughts all have one thing in common: they place all the power in the hands of your insecurity.
But your insecurity has no power over Allah.
“It was Satan who suggested to you the fear of his allies. Do not fear them; fear Me, if you truly believe.” – Qur’an 3:175
It can be a daily battle to remember that society, other people’s opinions, and even your own self-image has no power over you, unless you let it.
Remember, your appearance does not shape your destiny.
Allah does.
We know that our success, happiness, money, friendship, love, ease, hardship etc are all in Allah’s hands.
Try giving your insecurity a name – any boring name – like “Bob”.
Every time Bob starts whispering nasty things to you, imagine smashing Bob to pieces.
“As for those who repent, believe, and do good deeds, they are the ones whose evil deeds Allah will change into good deeds. For Allah is All-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” – Qur’an 5:70
7. Dream bigger
“They wish you would disbelieve as they have disbelieved, so you may all be alike. So do not take them as allies unless they emigrate in the cause of Allah.” – Qur’an 4:89
Pressure from society, bullies, haters, style police, (otherwise known as ‘Demon Bob’, or ‘Bob Idol’), can make you feel like you must limit your dreams.
You must not.
“They did not measure Allah with Allah’s true measure: On the Day of Judgment the whole of the earth will be but His handful, and the heavens will be rolled up in His right hand: Glory to Him! High is He above the Partners they attribute to Him!” – Qur’an 39:67
For example. I remember a friend, who prayed five times a day, was very religious, and was desperately looking for a husband. But she didn’t think she was much of a catch. So, she kept saying things like: “look, I have to be realistic.”
That phrase ‘be realistic’ stuck with me. What does it mean?
She was always saying things like: “I’m not young, I’m not hot, and the good guys only want young, hot women. I’m never going to find a guy who’s amazing. I’ll have to settle for someone who is [insert negative qualities].”
And I used to think… Why? Doesn’t Allah have the power to grant you better than this?
Eventually, let’s just say she got a deadbeat husband who wasn’t all that great. She got exactly what her insecurity told her she was going to get. She got what she thought she deserved. In a sense, one could say, she got exactly what she prayed for.
“I am as My servant thinks I am.” – Hadith Qudsi (the Prophet pbuh told us Allah says this)
By contrast I’ve seen ‘ordinary’ people receive abundant miracles again and again. The difference, from my perspective, seems to be that they believe Allah is stronger than their fears.
“And whoever is mindful of Allah, He will make a way out for them, and provide for them from sources they could never imagine. And whoever puts their trust in Allah, then He [alone] is sufficient for them. Certainly, Allah achieves His Will. Allah has already set a destiny for everything.” – Qur’an 65:2-3
The lesson I learnt was that if you want to stay stuck within the limits of your imagination, maybe you will.
But if you trust Allah, your provision will come from directions you never expected. It’s up to you.
7. Take inspo from nature
“And Allah caused you to grow from the earth like a plant” – Qur’an 71:17
Try thinking about yourself in an entirely new way.
Go to a park and admire the asymmetry of the flowers, the fascinating imperfections everywhere, and undeniable artistry of Allah’s creation.
Can you compare a rose, a pineapple, a lavender bush, an oak tree and a fig tree? You could, but what would be the point? They’re each special and unique and bring something to the world that the other can’t.
If you were a plant or vegetable, what would you be and why?
Are you:
- Bold
- Fragrant
- Strong
- Delicate
- Rare
- Wild
- Full of healing properties
- Delicious!
- Colourful
- Soft
- Spiky
Really think about your unique and specific qualities and how you show up in the world.
What about if you were a type of landscape?
There’s no right or wrong answer. The same way there’s no right or wrong way to look.
8. Imagine your soul is a perfume
“Indeed, Allah does not look at your appearance or your wealth, but He looks at your hearts and your deeds.” – Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)
It’s often things we can’t see that make someone attractive. It’s how people make us feel and a special something they emit made from a cocktail of different qualities and habits.
Ultimately, inner beauty is true beaty.
People say it all the time, but it can feel hard to believe or apply to yourself.
That’s why you might find it helpful to re-conceptualise beauty without thinking visually.
For a moment, try thinking about yourself as a perfume.
Imagine perfume is a metaphor for the soul.
Pick from the list below to figure out your signature scent:
- Good deeds – your favourite scent in the universe
- Prayer and dhikr – heavenly amber and golden light
- Repentance – soft, clean angelic musk
- Trying your best – milk and honey from paradise
- Kind words – healing rose essence and angel wings
- Optimism – delightful sparkling fruits
- Honesty and hard work – lush florals and dreamy vanilla ice cream
- Self-reflection and striving – refreshing citrus and cool ocean breeze
- Overthinking and self-doubt – a pepper overdose and smoke
- Despair and hopelessness – burning rubber tires
- Gossip – rotting flesh
- Nasty words – garlic and body odour
- Boastfulness and vanity – bad breath and public toilets
- Arrogance – old fish
- Envy – boiled eggs and cabbages
- Harshness and rudeness – farmyard waste
How do you smell?
If our souls had a fragrance, or if you could see the light of good deeds shining from people’s heads, how would it change who is considered attractive, and who we, individually and as a society, think is worthy of our attention?
We don’t see people’s true intentions or have a list of all their deeds. But who we are on the inside has ways of showing on the outside.
“Be like the flower that gives its fragrance to even the hand that crushes it.” — Imam Ali
9. Make peace with your past
Experience tells you that attraction is subjective, rather than logical. I’m guessing, you often find people attractive even though they don’t meet the ‘typical beauty standard’.
Deep down, you know you’re holding yourself to a harsh standard you wouldn’t apply to anyone else. This is a telltale sign that you’re carrying some deep emotional wounds or ‘trauma’.
Releasing trauma often requires some support from mental health experts, and trusted friends. But there are things you can do by yourself too. For example:
Try the inner-child meditation
Find a quiet moment. Write down everything you feel when you see yourself in the mirror, or in a photo. Don’t overthink it – let the words flow even if they don’t make sense in the moment. Positive, negative, neutral, write it all down, even if it seems weird.
Now imagine yourself sitting with younger self, aged 5. Imagine this child is feeling all the feelings you’ve just written down.
What would you tell your 5-year-old self that they really need to hear? Tell them everything you wish someone had told you. You might be surprised by how emotional and cathartic this can be.
For full details on how to do the inner-child meditation check out the dhikr and meditation page.
For more on trauma healing check out:
