Just as you would not expect a plant to grow if you stop watering it, how can you expect to heal and flourish if you are not nourishing yourself mentally, physically and spiritually? Self-care is not about candles and bubble baths – it is about empowering and protecting your dignity, honour and freedom, no matter who you are.
“Be kind. For whenever kindness is added to something, it beautifies it. Whenever it is taken from something it tarnishes it.” – Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)
This page covers these self-care essentials:
- Why you should invest in self-care
- Why self-care is not selfish
- Setting your intention
- Nourish all your senses
- Set small goals and celebrating successes
- How to set healthy boundaries
- Make space for new opportunities
- Own your spirituality
- Clean up your social media
- Keep good company
- Freshen up your living space
- Get the right support
- Let yourself recharge properly
Why you should invest in self-care
“By the passing of time, mankind is in a state of loss. Except those who have faith, and do good deeds, and urge each other to the truth, and urge each other to patience.” — Qur’an 103
It’s time to be kinder to yourself, much kinder.
Sometimes being treated badly by other people, or feeling overwhelmed by life’s difficulties, can stop us prioritising our wants and needs. But when you’re struggling with your emotions, feeling down, stuck, lost, or out of control, the way you treat yourself matters even more than usual.
You deserve to be treated well, and that includes how you treat yourself.
Good self-care is an important part building the confidence and resilience we need to walk confidently along our path, and face up to whatever life throws at us. This is because, the small choices we make can reinforce positive feelings and disrupt negative feelings, if we are mindful about our actions.
Self-care combined with the right mental health support can be lifechanging.
So pay attention to the small things that lift you up and bring you joy. These little sparks contain clues to what you need more of and where you need to focus our attention to start feeling better.
Remember, self-care isn’t about fancy holidays, luxury items or spending money. It’s about doing what we need to do to feel empowered, dignified human-beings with healthy self-esteem.
“Self-care to me is taking a moment to tune into myself and ask: what do I want, what do I need, and how can I honour the part of myself that needs to feel safe, held and valued?”
“To me self-care is about doing what I need to do in order to fulfil the potential God gave me and not waste it.”
“I see self-care as part of my faith because, as someone pointed out to me, in the Qur’an, ‘belief’ is almost always mentioned along with ‘good deeds’ – like they’re twins… So if I believe I’m worthy of being treated well and looked after, I also have to act in a way that aligns with my belief.”
2. Why self-care is not selfish
“What actions are most excellent? Gladden the hearts of human beings, to feed the hungry, help the afflicted, lighten the sorrow of the sorrowful, and to remove the suffering of the oppressed.” – Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)
Most of us enjoy giving – and that’s beautiful. We might think nothing of exhausting ourselves for people and causes we care about. There really is nothing wrong with doing our bit for the people and causes we love, and of course for the sake of Allah. In fact, all forms of spiritual growth entail a little bit of sacrifice and discomfort.
So where do we draw the line between honouring our personal needs and being selfish? The answer is in our emotions.
Sometimes we can feel drained and overburdened with responsibilities. This can make us feel resentful, used, depressed, stressed, trapped or hopeless. We experience these emotions for a reason: they’re here to tell us something is wrong, so don’t ignore them! They can be an indicator that we are not making decisions from an empowered, loving place of strength, but from a disempowered, fearful, place of anxiety.
“You get out what you put in. That applies to you too.”
Exercise: What is motivating my actions?
Think about these statements in relation to some of your responsibilities. How many of them feel like thoughts you have regularly:
- I must do this thing or I will let people down/face people’s anger or disappointment
- I don’t want to face the consequences of not doing this thing
- I don’t have a choice but to do this thing
- I am the only person who bothers to do this thing – if I don’t do it no one will
- I want people like me/to keep my reputation as a kind/nice person
- I am the responsible/kind/organised one – this is the role I have to play
- I wish someone would help me/share the burden of this thing
- No one ever cares about my feelings or how this is affecting me
- I might as well do it – someone has to
- I don’t get enough credit/praise/thanks for my actions
All of these statements are a sign that you could benefit from improved self-care and how you communicate your needs to others to help you feel more empowered in your decision-making.
Rest helps you recharge
“They say you can’t pour from an empty cup. And it’s true. Think about it this way, the more mentally and physically energised you feel, the better you can support others as well as yourself.”
“Slowly I realised that the ‘selflessness’ I prided myself on was in fact me having very poor boundaries, and being very unwise about who and what I gave my energy to. I’m still a ‘giver’, that hasn’t changed, but I am so much more discerning now I know myself better.”
“I feel so responsible for my family, especially my little sisters. My mum is always depressed and I feel like it’s my job to keep her happy. I don’t think I realised how much I needed a break until I finally took a holiday without them. It took me years to justify spending money on myself and leaving my mum on her own. But after I let go of the guilt, I was able to recharge – I felt a huge weight lifting. It was the start of everything changing.”
2. Set your intention
“Whoever does an atom’s weight of good will see it.” — Quran 99:7
Taking care of yourself is a good thing. If you have a tendency to be hard on yourself, making time for self-care can feel difficult. But remember, Allah judges us by our intentions.
Now take a deep breath.
Let go of any kind of guilt, or any doubt about your worthiness. Focus on your intention to look after yourself well and say bismillah...
“Bismillah-ir-Rahman-ir-Rahim [In the Name of God, The Merciful the Compassionate]. I intend to complete this act of [insert activity] so please bless it for me and accept it from me. If another action is better, guide me to that instead. Ameen.”
“Someone said to me once: if you’re fighting with yourself, let yourself win. It floored me. I suddenly realised; the only person out to get me, was me.”
3. Nourish all your senses
Remember, emotions happen in the body.
Your body is the vehicle through which you experience life. This means our mood is affected by what we put into our body and how we treat it.
Nourishing our bodies means thinking about all of our senses and making sure we attend to each of them properly.
Exercise: How am I nourishing my senses?
Take a moment to ask yourself the questions on this list that apply to you:
- Am I feeling clean and fresh?
- Am I regularly eating a balanced diet?
- Am I staying well hydrated?
- Am I consuming too much caffeine – or any other kind of drug/stimulant?
- Can I make my environment any more comfortable, or more cosy?
- Do I have a favourite fragrance or room spray?
- Do the things around me have good or bad memories attached to them?
- Is the music I listen to happy or sad? Is it keeping me in a depressed, heartbroken state, or is it snapping me out of it? Do the lyrics empower me?
- Have I stretched recently?
- Am I exercising regularly?
- Am I laughing much these days? Have I tried watching something light-hearted, or listening to a funny podcast?
- Am I getting mental stimulation? Could I watch a documentary or a video about a topic that interests me, take time for a hobby, learn a craft…
Never underestimate the impact of self-care
“I noticed that when my negative thoughts start spiralling, getting up and moving helps me disrupt them. I vacuum my house, do star jumps, take a quick shower – for me the key thing is to move.”
“I thought eight glasses of water a day was ridiculous. I probably only drank about one. A doctor friend insisted I up my intake, and also take vitamins. Genuinely, it has transformed my mood, my skin, and constant headaches.”
“I’ve struggled with food and I had very disordered eating. With a lot of effort my eating habits have changed. I feel so different now and glad I made the effort.”
“Exercise changed my life. I’m not gym-obsessed. I don’t have abs. You wouldn’t necessarily know I work out. But it relieves so much stress. I feel stronger mentally as well as physically.”
4. Set small goals and celebrate your successes
“Indeed we have given you a clear victory,” – Qur’an 48:1
Sometimes we’re really hard on ourselves, and we really don’t have to be.
Think about your week ahead, or even the next 24 hours. Try making a list of small things you can do that will make your life a tiny bit easier. What do you want to achieve? It could be getting out of bed at a certain time, or tidying your room – goals don’t have to be ‘big’ or ground-breaking to be worth your effort – they just have to be meaningful to you.
When you achieve a goal, or do something well, give yourself permission to smile and tell yourself well done, mashallah!
Who cares if it’s small, or others might think it’s insignificant – a victory is a victory! Taking a moment to feel grateful, give thanks to Allah, and pat ourselves on the back, can remind us that we’re making progress all the time.
And if you don’t reach all your goals, it’s ok, each day is a fresh start and a chance to try again.
5. Learn to set healthy boundaries
“Allah is Kind and loves kindness, and He rewards for kindness in a way that He does not reward for harshness.” – Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)
Deciding how you want other people to treat you is not just an option, it’s your right!
Having high standards when it comes to being treated with respect, kindness and consideration, does not make you ‘high maintenance’, ‘too fussy’ or ‘stuck up,’ so don’t let anyone make you feel bad for telling people what makes you feel safe, loved and respected.
- It’s ok to say ‘no’ when you need to
- It’s ok to cancel plans
- It’s ok to rest
- It’s ok to speak up for yourself
- It’s ok to remove yourself from a situation where you feel uncomfortable or disrespected
“Allah commands justice, the doing of good, and giving to relatives…” — Qur’an 16:90
Setting boundaries is about doing yourself justice and not settling for less than you deserve. But not everyone finds setting boundaries easy – that’s ok, it takes practice – and you can learn.
- Check out these free downloadable guides to setting boundaries from helloleena.com – boundaries with family, in relationships, at work, and with yourself
- More Muslim-friendly mental health resources that can help
“Once you learn how to recharge your batteries, you realise it’s not actually being busy that drains you. It’s channelling your energy into things that don’t align with your values or purpose. When you’re busy with things you love, you feel more energised. That’s your sign to look out for.”
“I spent my whole life doing what other people needed, being everyone’s support system – it sounds silly but I didn’t even know what ‘time for myself’ meant until my 30s.”
6. Make space for new opportunities
“Guide us to the straight path,” — Qur’an 1:6
When you treat yourself as worthy, and keep pouring love into yourself, you will notice a difference in your attitude and emotions. It will become easier to let go of things that don’t match up to your standard or your sense of purpose.
Sometimes we need to let go of the old to make space for new and better things!
Letting go could mean choosing to see past experiences as learning opportunities, forgiving those who have wronged you, or letting go of old habits that no longer serve you. Thank you, next!
7. Own your spirituality
“For them will be gardens of eternity” – Qur’an 18:31
Spirituality is about strengthening your personal connection with Allah and illuminating the soul through: love, charity, pursuing your talents, seeking knowledge, worship and good deeds.
An essential part of self-care includes finding spiritual practices that tap into the powerful connection you have with your Lord, and doing things that align with your values and beautify your character.
Remember – if your concept of spiritual or religious practice is filling you with shame, guilt, anxiety, or emotional unrest, it’s probably time to practise some radical self-love and reconnect with Allah’s mercy.
- Read more about exploring your spirituality
- Dhikr and meditation
- The Qur’an and mental health
- Prayer and mental health
8. Clean up your social media
“Say: I seek refuge in the Lord of mankind,” – Qur’an 114:1
Love it or hate it, it’s important to think about how our social media habits might be affecting us. If you find yourself comparing your life negatively, or feel depressed after scrolling, it’s probably time to change things up.
Exercise: Clean your feed
Try these tips and see what difference they make to your general mood and energy levels:
- Find finding accounts that inspire and motivate you
- unfollow or mute accounts which bring you down. (Remember there’s no need to feel guilty or justify why you’ve unfollowed an account. And you can always unmute/re-follow later when you’re in a better headspace!)
- mute words and phrases that trigger you
- set up daily time limits through your phone settings
- delete the social media apps from your phone for one month for a mental reset
- take a news break – it’s great to be informed but constant exposure to bad news might be affecting your stress levels way more than you realise
- Check out these inspiring Muslim accounts to inspire and motivate you.
The power is in your hands
“Block, mute, report, unfollow. I cannot stress how much you don’t have to justify using these tools to anyone. Do what feels good. You don’t owe anyone your attention.”
“I struggle with loneliness and generally social media makes it worse. Now I use it more as a space to express myself, rather than to silently watch other people live out loud, and it surprised me how much that has changed my feeling towards it.”
“When I see something Islamophobic online I don’t read the comments. I don’t need the hurt and the anger I know I will feel. I don’t want to let some ignorant strangers ruin my day.”
“Curating my feed has been a long process. I started off following accounts that I thought would make me a better person, but they put too much pressure on me and made things worse.”
“Reading about racism, genocide, war and every crisis in the world was getting too heavy – what are you supposed to do about it from your bed at 3am? Now Twitter is the only account I have that follows news/cause-based accounts and I never open it when I’m winding down for bed.”
9. Keep good company
“And when you see those who mock our signs, turn away from them until they engage in another topic” – Qur’an 6:68
Different people bring out different sides to us. And good company can make all the difference.
Do the people around you support your best interests and encourage you? Or bring you down, drain you, or push you towards unhealthy habits? Are you pushing away kind people who care about you?
Try writing a list of healthy changes you want to make to your relationships and discuss these with someone you trust.
It’s ok for friendships to end
Sometimes relationships and friendships have to end, so that you can turn your energy towards different people and opportunities that suit you better. You don’t have to force yourself into relationships that feel negative, harmful or toxic.
If you feel very lonely right now, please know this phase in your life will pass, inshallah. Working on self-love and exploring your spirituality can make a big difference in your ability to invite and welcome new types of friendships and experiences into your life.
“I always build myself up about talking to someone, worrying about oversharing or being a burden. But it always feels like a relief in the end. The words just come out. The pressure releases and I feel lighter afterwards.”
“Venting helps me deal with stuff going on. Sometimes you need someone to remind you you’re not crazy for feeling this way, or to tell you a different perspective.”
- Tips on hot to start a conversation about your mental health
- Tips on how to deal with cultural mental health stigma
- Feeling caught between two cultures?
10. Freshen up your living space
“Allah is beautiful and loves beauty.” – Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)
Freshening up your living space can really make a difference to your mood and sense of wellbeing. It can also help mentally signal a fresh start. This doesn’t have to be expensive, you could:
- rearrange your furniture
- print some posters
- add some plants
- get colourful cushions or a cosy throw for your sofa
- remove items which have painful memories attached
- De-clutter
- Deep clean
- Organise your things so that you have easy access to the things that make you feel better.
“If you can see your yoga mat you’re so much more likely to use it. Visual reminders are very helpful for me, as well as an organised space.”
11. Look deeper within
“And say: ‘My Lord, forgive and have mercy, for Thou art the best of the merciful.’” — Qur’an 23:118
Our thoughts, feelings and actions often have a lot to do with the things that have happened to us. All the self-care in the world isn’t going to be enough to tackle the root causes of what’s bringing you down. That’s why it’s important to use self-care as a way to escape from our feelings, but as a way to make us more comfortable exploring them. Here are some useful guides to support:
- Muslim-friendly mental health resources
- Your guide to self-help
- Therapy for Muslims
- Advice on healing from trauma and abuse
- Dealing with religious or cultural pressure
- Feeling caught between two cultures
“I felt like as a guy it was not ok to be emotional or get affected by things that have happened to me. But I needed help. I didn’t know where to start so I just started with my school counsellor and she helped me take it from there.”
“I wish I had reached out for help sooner. I wish I’d told someone how I was feeling and the things I’d gone through. I wasted nearly 10 years in misery and suffering. Talking saved my life. Therapy changed my life. Self-care made me connect to life again. I’m begging you, please don’t make my mistake and suffer in silence. Feeling better was a long process, but it was so worth it.”
12. Let yourself recharge properly
“Do good at intervals and rest at intervals.” – Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)
You are allowed to rest – and you should
When we haven’t eaten or slept properly or had any time to attend to our own needs, even when nothing significant is going on in our lives it can cause low mood, conflict in relationships, increased stress, health problems and feelings of resentment and anger. This doesn’t feel great, and it doesn’t always make us the easiest to be around.
Rest doesn’t necessarily meaning lying in bed all day, but it can mean doing things just for you – simply for the purposes of unwinding, de-stressing and giving yourself a break from the daily grind.