This page covers how to:
- Challenge your mindset
- Learn to trust yourself
- Identify your hidden mental and emotional blocks
- Recognise what you’re giving your attention
- Explore all your options
- Be ok with having no plan!
- Follow your Divine roadmap to Jannah
Why do I feel unfulfilled and what is my purpose?
“So where are you going?” – Qur’an 81:26
Who are you? What do you want? Where are you going? How are you going to get there? These are some of the biggest questions you will ever answer.
When we have no idea what we want, or what we’re doing with our life, it is normal to feel frustrated, burnt out, bored, unmotivated, stuck, confused, lost or hopeless.
Many people struggle their whole lives to figure out their true purpose, their passions and how to use the unique gifts they have been given in a way that brings them long-term fulfilment. This can cause mental health struggles including:
- depression or hopelessness
- low self-esteem
- anxiety
- disordered eating and/or self-harm
- loneliness
- anger and irritability
But did you know, Allah gave you a special purpose on this earth – a mission entirely unique to you? Your emotional distress is an invitation from your troubled heart to abandon everything that is not meant for you, so that you can follow your true purpose and find peace in your journey.
“A shaykh once told me that God puts unique qualities, passions, talents and interests in us on purpose, and they are your ‘Divine compass’. If you follow them, you won’t get lost. But if you don’t, you’ll feel sad deep in your soul. To me, ‘self-care’ is about gently removing the barriers that stop me following the direction of my personal compass.”
“What! Did you then think that We had created you in vain…?” — Qur’an 23:115
1. Challenge your mindset
“Your Lord has not abandoned you, nor is He displeased.” – Qur’an 93:3
There’s always a next step, and it’s always right in front of you. The problem is that, often our perception of our situation is so clouded, it is difficult to see it. Or to choose the thing that is actually best for us, instead of the thing we assume is best for us. While it’s true you cannot change all your circumstances, changing your mindset can have a miraculous impact.
Working on improving your mindset involves:
- Building your feelings of self-love
- Taking a spiritual health check
- Learning to express your true feelings
- Increasing your daily gratitude
- Processing difficult emotions and experiences
“I was in such a negative, trapped headspace. I prayed a thousand times for a sign, but I was missing all the signs!! Changing my attitude changed everything. I suddenly saw clearly how missed so many opportunities God sent me – I didn’t even notice them. Inner work is key.”
“When I feel lost I pray two rakats [units of prayer] just asking for help or istikhara [guidance]. It calms me down knowing my worries are in the hands of The Most Merciful.”
“My dua when I feel stuck is: ‘Oh Allah, You parted the sea for Prophet Musa (pbuh) when it looked like he had no escape. Please part the waves and open up a path for me, and make it easy for me to follow it. You are The Opener, The All-Powerful, The Mighty, The Wise. I believe in you and I put my trust in you. Ameen.’”
2. Learn to trust yourself
“And say, “Praise to Allah, Who will show you His signs and you will recognise them. Your Lord is not unaware of what you do.”” – Qur’an 27:93
Not being able to decide on your way forward in life is a sign that you’ve learnt to stop trusting yourself. But the truth is, the only person who knows what you want is you. Figuring out your life’s purpose starts with getting to know what you like and enjoy. No one else can do this for you. You have powerful intuition. But most importantly, you have a direct line to Allah’s unfailing guidance. So don’t anyone interfere with that.
It’s always helpful to ask people for their advice and learn from their experiences, but don’t wait for anyone to tell you what the next step in your journey ought to be – you can find the answers within.
“Sometimes you must take a terrifying, giant leap of faith. Your trust in God must be greater than your fear. I promise, nothing feels more empowering or exhilarating.”
How to access your intuition
If you’re struggling to access your intuition, or to connect with Allah in prayer, this is a big sign that you’ve been ignoring your own personal needs for too long. The longer this goes on, the more difficult things will get. But that’s ok – you can come back home to yourself any time.
Start by focusing your energy on deepening your feelings of self-love and practicing purposeful self-care. This isn’t about simply indulging yourself, it’s about letting go of pain, shame, guilt, negative self-talk, self-abuse and people-pleasing.
- Read your guide to improving self-love
- Read your guide the guide to practicing self-care
- Navigate feeling caught between two cultures
Exercise: Identify who influences your decisions
- Write a list of all the people you truly care about.
- Next to each name write a score out of five, rating how much you trust their opinion.
- Now decide whose opinion matters most to you. This can be as many or few people as you like.
- Do the things they value always align with the things you value? (e.g. money, kindness, status, honesty, hard work, appearances etc)
- Do you ever feel responsible for making them happy? Are you ever afraid of letting them down? If so, in which areas of your life?
- How often do you worry about them judging you? At which moments do you change your speech/actions based on seeking their approval?
- Who can you be your most authentic self with? That means speaking and behaving completely honestly, without guilt or shame.
“They say, don’t seek advice from people who don’t have the thing you want. If you want to become a millionaire, ask a self-made millionaire. If you want a good relationship, ask someone in a happy relationship. How often do we give or receive advice that sounds expert, but isn’t?!”
3. Identify hidden mental and emotional blocks
“Say: I seek refuge in the Lord of mankind” – Qur’an 114:1
Confusion and mind-fog are a sign you have emotions you are not dealing with.
Remember, when you were little you knew exactly what you wanted, when you wanted it, and you were not shy about trying to get it. But as we grow up, many of us learn subconsciously to associate our power to make choices with negative feelings.
For example if you were punished for drawing on the walls at home your subconscious learnt: ‘it’s bad to have fun’. Or if you accidentally injured a friend while playing football and people blamed you, making you feel ashamed, you learnt: ‘my joy hurts people I love’. These are the types ‘subconscious programming’ that could be holding you back in life without you even realising.
The important thing to note about the subconscious is that it is not rational like the conscious mind. Our fears and feelings are not always logical, and that’s normal.
You can usually uncover hidden mental or emotional blocks, and identify how they affect you, with the help of a good therapist. But if you’re unable to access therapy, don’t worry, it is also possible through talking to trusted friends, mentors, dhikr and meditation, and accessing self-help tools that work for you.
- Read about healing childhood trauma
- Read your guide to self-help
- Dealing with cultural/religious pressure
4. Be mindful of what you give your attention
“And the servants of the Most Merciful are those who walk upon the earth humbly, and when the foolish ones address them, they say “peace!”” – Qur’an 25:63
There’s a saying: where attention goes, energy flows. Dwelling on the road blocks and negatives makes them even bigger in our minds, increasing their hold over us.
Consciously shift your focus away from the thoughts and people that are stressing you out, and towards things that tangibly benefit you mentally, physically, emotionally or spiritually.
Remember, this does not mean you should bury your head in the sand and ignore all your problems, but recognise that your life, right now, is not just about having problems:
- Mute or unfollow social media accounts that are bringing you down.
- Say no to things that drain you.
- Loop yourself out of conversations that fuel your negativity.
- Spend more time with people who encourage and bring out the best in you.
Developing a gratitude mindset
“If you’re grateful, I will give you more.” — Qur’an 14:7
Gratitude helps us find pleasure in the present moment. Being grateful simply means that when you receive a blessing, you enjoy it to the full, and it lights you up inside. Gratitude does not mean ‘put up and shut up because other people have it worse’.
Remember, gratitude is called a ‘practise’ because we have to keep practising to get good at it.
“The words you speak become the house you live in.” — Hafiz d.1389
“If a big question-mark is looming over you, and it seems impossible to find an answer, then maybe it’s time to change the question!”
Exercise: Where should I refocus my energy?
Have a think about the following questions:
- If I could wave a magic wand and be better at one thing, what would it be?
- What do I really enjoy doing, and why specifically do I enjoy it?
- Who or what makes me feel inspired?
- When do I feel most energised – what is it specifically about this that makes me feel this way?
If you’re struggling to answer these, that’s ok – the tips on this site can help. And remember not to be hard on yourself – you’re not here to judge, just observe.
“And your Lord says: Call upon Me, I will answer you.” — Qur’an 40:60
If you do find yourself getting into a negative spiral, just gently remind yourself that your feelings are valid, and that you have other neutral or positive thoughts and feelings which are valid too, and also deserve your attention.
It can help to proactively seek out people and influences which you know lift up and make you feel more optimistic about life.
- Take a spiritual health check
- Check out these Muslim-friendly mental health resources
- Read about prayer and mental health
5. Keep exploring
“And when the prayer has been concluded, disperse within the land and seek from the bounty of Allah , and remember Allah often that you may succeed.” – Qur’an 62:10
Knowledge is power. Sometimes we can’t visualise the future we want because we have never seen or experienced the thing we are looking for. So give yourself permission to pursue your interests and nurture your talents.
You can’t develop a passion for ice-cream making if you’ve never set foot in a kitchen. You can’t know you’re the next Ronaldo unless you join a football club.
And sometimes exploring means you have to put yourself out there, take some risks, and do the thing that feels eeek! Incredible things can happen when you leave your comfort zone – and it’s much easier to do that when you let go of fear of ‘failing or ‘looking stupid’.
Failure is always a lesson and a redirection – it’s a necessary part of success.
Exercise: Create new habits
Pay attention to the small choices you make – they all add up.
Try setting aside at least 30 mins a week to start doing something keep telling yourself you’re going to do one day. Whether it’s joining a gym, drawing a picture, or starting a new book. If you’re struggling to do something new – that’s ok!
Make micro changes to your routine. It’s ok to start small. For example, take a different route to work, buy a different cereal, say ‘yes’ to that invitation instead of ‘no’, let someone recommend a TV show you’d never normally watch… These steps will help you get out of your comfort zone.
“And never give up hope of Allah’s mercy…” — Qur’an 12:87
Don’t forget the value of exploring your interests through helping others. This could be through volunteering your skills to help a cause you care about. You are powerful problem-solver and your actions make a difference in the world
- Start exploring your spirituality to change your routine and focus.
- Get inspired by positive Muslim role models
6. No plan is a plan!
“…no soul knows what it will earn tomorrow, nor in which land it will die.” — Qur’an 31:34
Take the pressure off. Who cares if you haven’t figured out what you want to be, or where you want to be, in five or ten years’ time? Life unfolds unexpectedly. It’s ok to enjoy not having a grand plan and a big end goal. Give it time.
Remember, just because people around you look like they have it all figured out, don’t be fooled. What is meant for them is not meant for you. So just stay focused on you.
Figure out your intention can help you go with the flow. Whether it’s to get better at a certain skill, work on a behaviour pattern, learn something new, connect deeper with your spirituality, or something else, figure out which small things you can do to help you achieve this goal. Momentum will build naturally – one thing will flow to the next, so long as you hold on to your intention.
“A colleague wrote some advice in my leaving card: ‘relax into your greatness’. I didn’t get it then, but I do now.”
“Plot twist: if you ask older people who you admire how they got to where they are now, it almost always the case that life did not go according to their plans! Their skill was adapting and making the most of opportunities to grow.”
7. Know your roadmap to Jannah
“Enter, you, among my servants! Enter, you, my Paradise!” – Qur’an 89:29-30
When we feel stuck, lost, confused, we sometimes need a gentle reminder, and reset of our priorities. The roadmap to the final and best possible destination is laid out in a famous hadith, known as the hadith of Gabriel.
The hadith of Gabriel
It is reported: Umar ibn al-Khattab said: One day when we were with God’s messenger, a man with very white clothing and very black hair came up to us […]
He said, “Tell me, Muhammad, about Islam (submission).”
The Prophet (pbuh) replied, “Islam (submission) means that you should bear witness that there is no god but God and that Muhammad is God’s Messenger, that you should perform the ritual prayer, pay the alms tax, fast during Ramadan, and make the pilgrimage to the House if you are able to go there.”
The man said, “you have spoken the truth.”
We were surprised at his questioning him and then declaring that he had spoken the truth.
He said “Now tell me about faith (imaan).”
He replied, “faith means that you have faith in God, His angels, His books, His messengers, and the Last Day, and that you have faith in the measuring out, both its good and its evil.”
Remarking that he had spoken the truth, he then said, “Now tell me about doing what is beautiful (ihsan).”
The Prophet (pbuh) replied, “doing what is beautiful means that you should worship God as if you see Him, for even if you do not see Him, He sees you.”
Then the man said, “Tell me about the Hour”
The Prophet replied, “About that he who is questioned knows no more than the questioner.”
[…]
Then the man went away.
After I had waited for a long time, the Prophet (pbuh) said to me, “Do you know who the questioner was, ‘Umar?”
I replied, “God and His messenger know best. “
He said, “He was Gabriel. He came to teach you your religion. “
So remember, wherever you’re going next, the path to jannah is always open to you, and here are it’s road signs: submission, faith, beauty/goodness.
Islam. Imaan. Ihsan. You can’t have one without the other.