hijabi woman holding onto wire fence

How to Manage Difficult Emotions

Life can feel like unbearable agony at times – and most of us experience difficult feelings which seem almost impossible to cope with at some point in our lives. If you’re feeling this way, you can get through it, and there are some practical things you can do to feel better. 

This page covers:

  1. Accepting that your feelings are valid
  2. Learning to recognise all your emotions
  3. Dealing with emotional distress in the moment
  4. Preparing yourself for future ups and downs
  5. Creating helpful habits
  6. Dealing with self-harm
  7. Reaching out for support
  8. Urgent help

1. Accept that your feelings are valid

“In the name of Allah, the Most Merciful, the All Compassionate.”

Life is unpredictable. We can feel immense joy one day and hit rock bottom the next. In moments of extreme distress, we can feel ready to give up, and then suddenly, something comes along to shift our focus elsewhere. 

Things can start to go ‘downhill’ with our mental health when we feel stuck with uncomfortable feelings that just don’t seem to go away, or when we feel completely numb as though we stopped feeling anything at all – just emptiness.

All your emotions are a natural response to the things you are experiencing – and they are there for an important reason. It’s important to stop telling yourself: I shouldn’t feel this way, or I am not allowed to feel this way. However you’re feeling is valid. There is no right or wrong way to feel, and there is no shame in having feelings!

It’s important to feel your feelings

Suppressing our feelings for a long time can lead to worsening mental health problems, including dangerous eating disorders, self-harm and suicidal feelings.

Remember, you are not crazy, or strange or wrong. You are human. And you are not alone – there are so many people who want to help and support you. So don’t let any self-judgement, or fear of being judged, get in the way of seeking the support you need to feel better.  

“Healing from emotional pain doesn’t have to be complicated. It all starts by accepting your feelings, without judgement. Let yourself feel your feelings – they will flow through you and flow out of you, let them.”

2. Learn to recognise and acknowledge all your feelings

“Surely Allah is All-Knowing, Aware,” – Qur’an 31:34

It’s normal to experience many different feelings at the same time, but we don’t always recognise this is the case. For example, you might think ‘I’m angry’, but beneath that anger there could be so many other feelings going on, such as loneliness, betrayal, sadness, hurt, disgust and fear.

Being able to identify different feelings can be empowering because when we can pinpoint all the underlying feelings we feel in a situation, it becomes easier to untangle all the different things that are triggering us. 

Take a look at this ‘feelings wheel’, and take a moment to reflect on how you are feeling today.

image credit feelingswheel.com

Your feelings are valid

“Feelings are way more complicated than I thought. I always thought I was depressed but actually I think I had a lot of anger stored up. And I pushed it down and never dealt with it because I believed that anger was wrong and made me a bad person.”

“I was always desperate for love, and I was always heartbroken and desperately sad at the way people treated me. Underneath all those feelings I was feeling alone, not good enough, ugly, unloveable, abandoned, and all these other things. I didn’t know that was what was pushing me into all these negative situations.”

“I worked with a therapist to focus on where I was feeling the feelings in my body, and how I would visualise my feelings. What would my feelings say if they could talk to me. It was weird at first but actually it helped me make sense of what was actually going on inside.”

“We carry so much pain around with us like it’s normal. Society doesn’t teach us how to deal with traumatic experiences so we just carry on until we can’t. We weren’t designed for all the cruelty in the world. Someone once told me: in this world a broken heart is the one that isn’t hurting – and that made sense to me.”

3. Dealing with emotional distress in the moment

“God intends for you ease, not hardship.” – Qur’an 2:185 

Long-term strategies are important, but here is some immediate action you can take to help calm you down in the moment when things get too much:

  • Tell someone. Talk about your feelings. Let the people around you know you’re struggling – asking for support is not weakness and people who care about you will want to help. (Get tips on starting a conversation about your mental health)
  • Text or call a friend when you feel emotions start to build to disrupt a negative spiral
  • Text or call a mental health services for immediate crisis support (see list of services at end of page)
  • Ping an elastic band on your wrist every time you notice negative thoughts creeping into your mind to bring your attention back into the present moment 
  • Focus on your breathing. Breathing exercises can have an instant impact helping you to stay calm, relieve tension, and reduce stress and feelings of anxiety or panic. (Find out more)
  • If you’re about to self-harm find a suitable distraction – text a friend, go for a walk, play loud music, text/call a support line, move your body
  • Ground yourself by being mindful of all your senses and surroundings: name five things you can see, four things you can feel, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. 

4. Create healthy habits

“Take up good deeds only as much as you are able, for the best deeds are those done regularly even if they are few.”– Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)

Habits can take a while to form, but if we make the effort to create new habits that support our emotional and spiritual wellbeing, it can really build our resilience.

Remember even small changes to our daily habits can have a big impact on how we feel.

Helpful changes to your routine

Why not try to add some of these into your daily routine:

@the.poc.therapist

#tips#advice#tipsandtricks#advicetiktok#advicetok#thankmelater#lifesaver

♬ original sound – Sarah Ahmed

“It comforts me reading stories of the prophets and how they felt sadness, grief, worry, loneliness and everything else. If they suffered and they were the most grateful, faithful people ever, then what about me? I’m a regular human and I’m allowed not to feel ok.”

“The biggest habit I had to learn was around looking for a positive. I never ever thought of myself as ungrateful, I was just locked into my problems. All the self-care and meditation etc did was help me realise that life always has good with the bad – hardship with the ease. It didn’t magic away my problems but my ability to cope and make space in my head for stuff other than my problems was really freeing.”

5. Preparing yourself for future ups and downs

“Prepare against them your strength to the utmost of your power,” – Qur’an 8:60

Life can feel like a struggle. It can feel like as soon as you get your head out of the water another wave comes crashing down on you. Mental illness and recovery is full of ups and downs, so it helps to make sure you take practical, proactive steps to prepare for whatever happens next.

Small actions that can make a big difference

Actions that can really help: 

  • Let people around you know what helps you, and what makes you feel worse, so they know how to react when you’re in distress or feeling low. Honest communication is key. Don’t assume it’s obvious what you want or need, because unless you tell them, they won’t know! (Get tips on having the conversation).
  • It’s ok if you don’t know what helps you. Be open to trying different things and figure it out with the people who are supporting you.
  • Get an appointment and speak to your doctor for advice suited to your needs and situation. Not all doctors are the same, so get a different opinion if you need to:
    • You can ask about mental health services available in your location and any services they can refer you to
    • Verify information you’ve read online and get their opinion 
    • Ask questions about medication and the alternatives 
  • Find out if your school or workplace offer any form of mental health support
  • Take some time out of work or school if you are able to, the same as you would if you were struggling with your physical health
  • Take a spiritual health-check – this can help you set meaningful goals to help you understand whether there are things you can improve about your situation and attitude. (This handy guide to exploring your spirituality can also really help)
  • Write a letter to yourself reminding yourself how far you’ve come, that you are worth it, and you can get through it. You can read this letter whenever you are feeling overwhelmed  
  • Create a box of mementos and trinkets that remind you of good feelings and memories. You can open this box when you need it. The box could include:
    • Objects that feel good to the touch – a stress ball, a teddy, blu-tack, a fidget-toy
    • Photos of happy memories, or people/things that comfort you
    • A letter to yourself  
    • Inspiring quotes 
    • A calming fragrance or room spray 
  • Put up post-it notes/posters in your living space with messages that motivate and inspire you  
@thealchamilife

how to find true inner peace #peaceofmind #selfimprovement #mindsetcoachforwomen #peaceandlove

♬ Relax Humming – Nasheed

“I’m a planner. I like knowing what I’m doing next, but mental health struggles make you feel out of control. I’ve written out a few lists of things to do when I start spiralling and it helps me.”

“I thought my work would not be very supportive when I said I was struggling. But turns out my boss went through something similar. To my surprise she had really good advice and helped me figure out a way to manage my work responsibilities better with her support.”

6. Dealing with self-harm

“Indeed, those who believe and do righteous deeds – for them is a reward unending,” – Qur’an 41:8

Sometimes in difficult times, people turn to self-harm as a way to release or express difficult emotions, or to get some kind of relief from what’s going on in the mind. It can feel easier for some people to make sense of intense emotional pain within, by experiencing physical pain on the outside. 

If you can relate to this, because you have harmed yourself before, thought about it, or you’re stuck in a pattern of self-harming, it might help you to know that it’s far more common than you might think.

You are not strange, or weak, or crazy. And you do not have to go through this alone.

A lot of people go through periods of self-harm, but with the right support, it is something that you can stop doing. Life won’t always feel this way, and you can get through this. You might help these resources helpful:

Your safety is the most important thing

If you have harmed yourself and you’re worried your life and health are at risk, call the emergency services immediately.

“I felt ashamed, like I was a freak. I didn’t know other people did the kind of things I did. And it was a relief just knowing that I was not alone.”

“For me it was a bit of an addiction almost. I didn’t want to do it – I hated it – but I didn’t know how to stop. I’m glad I told my friend about it. He helped me find some resources from a charity that deals with this stuff. Just knowing I could text him, or use other distractions, when I felt the urge made it easier to stop.”

“I was taking out all the hate and pain on myself. I felt like in some way I deserved what I was doing to myself. But you don’t deserve it at all. Recovery for me involved working on self-love and unlearning a lot of negative lessons about myself. I had stored a lot up inside me and didn’t think I had anywhere to turn, but when I finally started talking about it a weight lifted. I had to work on finding different ways to express myself – sometimes I go running, sometimes I sit and draw.”

7. Reaching out for support

“Help one another in righteousness and piety,” – Qur’an 5:2

There’s no one road to travel down when it comes to mental health healing and recovery. But very often, something that makes a big difference is increasing your self-knowledge and your support network.

Your journey to recovery and better mental health might benefit from the help of friends, mentors, a culturally informed therapist, and through self-study and spiritual growth.

Check out these helpful resources as starting place to empower yourself with the tools you need for better self-awareness and positive mental health:

“I started following a few psychologists and every so often I’d learn something that applied to me and my situation. It prompted me to read a couple of books that really helped. I’m no expert, and I actually want to see a therapist someday, but at least I know a bit more about how my mind works and why I think and do certain things. I’ve learnt some strategies that help me feel able to cope.”  

“I was in a horrible marriage and it felt like there was no way out. I was in love, had kids, but was being treated very badly. I didn’t know what to do or how to cope. Learning from experts online about relationship patterns and why they happened really helped me a lot. It took time but without that I don’t know where I’d be.”

“I’ve turned to people for support who I never expected to be so wise or so helpful. It makes a difference when you decide to trust people. I know it doesn’t always work out, but when it does it can save your life, alhamdulillah”

8. Urgent help

If you’re in the UK or US and you need to talk to someone right now, here are some places where you can get free 24/7 support by text or call: 

If you’re not in the UK or US you can search your location here or here.

You might also be interested in: